Every once in a while, I need to retreat into myself and withdraw from the world for a little while. Lately I have really been feeling this need. Last night I withdrew, but didn’t completely close myself off from the people around me. Today I have closed myself away for a while to just sit with myself and figure out what my next step is. Of course, I will have to venture out at some point because I do have to go to work a little later, but for now I am embracing solitude.
While my need to retreat can sometimes indicate a bout of depression coming on, it doesn’t always mean this. Sometimes its just a hint that there is something out of balance in my life or something that just isn’t working quite right. I know that this, combined with the sudden change in the weather, is what is driving me right now.
For the last several weeks my life has felt like its running out of control with work and other obligations. I have cut back on several of these obligations, but am having a difficult time shifting gears back to what I need to be focusing on. Other changes in my life (mentioned in yesterday’s blog), have me re-assessing how I spend my time as well. Like figuring out what to do on Friday and Saturday nights now. Like looking for ways to meet new people that will fit with my very limited budget and time constraints.
I know that I won’t have a lot of time to really withdraw this week, I have way too much that has to get done before I leave on my trip. But I also know that I need to spend some time in solitude to really figure out what’s going on in my head and where I need to go next. The only certainties regarding my next step are my devotion to fitness, studying for my certification, and building my blog. Everything other than those things are possibilities for change.
In truth, I am not unhappy, though I am a little discontented with things the way they are now. This tells me that I definitely need to make a change. And I need to consider what I need to fulfill myself, not necessarily what others think I should do, when I am making changes.
Hopefully I will have some answers soon. Perhaps my trip will help me realize what I need to do next, since it will take me out of my regular day-to-day world. If not, at least it will provide me with some much-needed rest and relaxation time!