I am training for a 5k, I think that I’ve mentioned that a few times. I have walked multiple 5ks (and longer events), but I have never run one. I’ve always wanted to run, I’ve always said I’m going to run, I’ve even started training to run, but deep down inside, I’ve never BELIEVED that I can run… until today.
I have had a lot of success with my journey right now, and have hit several different milestones lately, but there have still been doubts in my mind about what I will be able to accomplish in the future on this journey. In the last two days, however, I have been able to put most of those doubts to rest!
Yesterday I broke through a weight loss barrier that I have not been able to cross in the past and weighed in under 180 lbs for the first time in I don’t know how long. At some point in my 20s I weighed under 180, as I mentioned in my last blog, but never since. I now weigh 179 and that helped me to recognize that there are no barriers to me losing all of the weight that I need to.
Then today, I convinced myself that it was time to get back to my 5k training. I started training a while back and got through week 1 of my 8 week program with no issues (walk 4 minutes, run 1 minute, repeat 4 times), but something kept stopping me from moving on. First it was all of the hours I was working between my job and my extern, then it was just fear, I think, that made me continue to make excuses why I couldn’t get a training run in. Week 2 is still pretty simple; walk 3 minutes, run 2 minutes, repeat 5 times; but something was holding me back. Until I got out there today, I didn’t realize what it was… I didn’t believe that I could really run. I thought that 2 minutes of running would be too much for me and that I would fail and give up and I just kept avoiding the run in order to avoid the failure.
But I did get out there for my run today and I was scared in the beginning. The first time my Gymboss beeped for me to start the running segment, I was full of doubt, but based on my success in weight-loss and my determination, I said that I would push myself to try to go the entire 2 minutes. And I did it, and I was fine. The first 2 minute run wasn’t bad, neither was the second. I was smiling every time I hit the walking segment because I was doing it! I was running! And I wasn’t dying or giving up! The third run was a little harder, partly because their was a slight incline, but I made it through, then the 4th, then finally, the 5th run… and even though I was praying for the beep that would signal the end of the 2 minutes, I pushed through until the end. Am I going to feel it tomorrow? Probably. Am I going to run again before work on Tuesday? Definitely!
This run was truly life changing for me today because it opened my eyes to the fact that the only thing that has ever been holding me back in the past is me and my fear of moving forward. But I’ve proved to myself that I can get past that fear and I feel so much stronger now! Do I think the rest of my journey is going to be easy? No. Do I think I’ll be running marathons in no time? No, but I will be running them eventually, as I always dreamed. And I am going to reach my triathlon dreams too! Right now I know that I am afraid of the cycling and swim portions of the triathlon, but I also know that I will be able to move past that fear and conquer it. There is no holding me back now!!
What have you overcome that has held you back in the past?